“I’m happy for you but sad for me”

That’s what you told me. Twice. We were so close but still so far away. The tension was hanging in the air between us. Anyone can see it if they look too close or stare too hard. I think that is the closest we will get to a confession. That’s all you can give me, that right there. So much left unsaid. But we were at work and on limited time. I wanted more, but I know you can’t give me what I want, what we both want.

My eyes were opened that afternoon because you let me in, just a little. You told me that you were sad for yourself, not for the office losing a team member, not for us, but for you. Me leaving personally affects you more than either of us thought.

Could more have been said? Yes, of course, but fate had other plans. Just as you were leaning in to say more, the phone rang loudly and in annoyance. Bringing us back to reality, standing together, staring into one another’s eyes, and the rest of the office noise surrounded us. We were no longer alone in a world of our own. That snap back to the real world, where you still have another, where I am still leaving, where we can never be, might have been what was needed. Maybe that confession was never meant to happen; that moment was just what it was and all it could be.

So we settle for leaving it as it is, friendship but more. Not quite love, but one day it could have been, under different circumstances. However, reality tells me that we will never know.

My view when I think about you, my favorite place.