pt.1

Yes, I did ask that question out loud a few weeks ago, and the answer was 35-55. And guess where I am? 39. I think I am at the start of my midlife crisis. I want not just to overhaul my blog but my life. I need a complete and total reconstruction of my world. I’m talking about everything from moving to a new job or a new home, to new people and new adventures.

I guess this is happening because I have just reached 10 years at my current job. Mind you, this was supposed to be no more than a 3 to 5-year thing for me. It is surreal because I never thought life would go this way for me (working in a cubicle). However, many outside factors contributed to how things played out, but fear truly hindered my growth.

Sidenote- the wind has now picked up and is being a little dramatic; I think rain is on its way. Hopefully, it will wait until after my write-and-hike is done.

I have been constantly questioning everything. Every day, I want to say peace-out to this job and this city, hop in my car, and start driving to see where it takes me. But I am a semi-responsible adult, and I have to be realistic: that drive will not be happening in this economy.

Strangely, I know that there is something bigger and better out there for me, but I am not sure how to obtain it. And none of the 20 or more self-help books on my shelves and Kindle are providing an answer. It is almost like I am collecting them because I don’t think I have read more than just one. I started this “collection” over the course of 10 years, right before I started my job. Yes, the one I am trying to find a way to leave.

I want more

just beyond the horizon

I want more

it calls to me often

I want more

the voice keeps getting stronger

I want more

I can hear it

I want more

even if its miles away

I want more

or is it too late

I want more

do I dare ask for it

I want more, more than what this life has supplied me with,

More than my wildest dreams

I want more.

I’m ready for more. To meet some new individuals, explore a new place, build a community, and grow in a different environment. I have already explored the one I’m in. I’ve been learning it my whole life in my hometown, where growth is possible, but I know it will be better for me elsewhere.